Why Men Are Happy.... (Monday night giggles)

Posted on Tuesday, March 09, 2010 10:24:55 AM by Kimmers

Why men are happy What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier!!
TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: happymen
go ahead and some of your own
1 posted on Tuesday, March 09, 2010 10:24:56 AM by Kimmers
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To: Kimmers

OOPS......I did mean for this to run on.....my apologies.....

2 posted on Tuesday, March 09, 2010 10:25:46 AM by Kimmers (Be the kind of person when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says, Oh crap, she's awake)
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To: Kimmers

Why men are happy
What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier!!

3 posted on Tuesday, March 09, 2010 10:26:16 AM by Kimmers (Be the kind of person when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says, Oh crap, she's awake)
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To: Kimmers

Passing gas is a right and an art form!!! LOL

4 posted on Tuesday, March 09, 2010 10:27:49 AM by hstacey (An ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure...)
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To: Kimmers

I think it’s a genetic that men scratch their bottoms when they get out of bed in the morning on their way to get coffee. ;-)

5 posted on Tuesday, March 09, 2010 10:28:52 AM by RushIsMyTeddyBear (I don't have a 'Cousin Pookie'.)
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To: RushIsMyTeddyBear

^trait^

6 posted on Tuesday, March 09, 2010 10:29:17 AM by RushIsMyTeddyBear (I don't have a 'Cousin Pookie'.)
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To: Kimmers
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack

Maybe for designer underwear, mine is about $6/6pack. Cheap is good..........

not to mention the same pair for several days :-)
7 posted on Tuesday, March 09, 2010 10:30:47 AM by MrPiper
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To: Kimmers

If you show up to a party and see someone wearing the same outfit you have a friend for life.

8 posted on Tuesday, March 09, 2010 10:32:38 AM by pke
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To: Kimmers

Offensive jokes are inoffensive.

9 posted on Tuesday, March 09, 2010 10:34:53 AM by theDentist (fybo; qwerty ergo typo : i type, therefore i misspelll)
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To: Kimmers
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.


If it even lasts that long.
10 posted on Tuesday, March 09, 2010 10:35:55 AM by Red_Devil 232 (VietVet - USMC All Ready On The Right? All Ready On The Left? All Ready On The Firing Line!)
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To: theDentist

That’s so true!!! LOL

11 posted on Tuesday, March 09, 2010 10:35:57 AM by hstacey (An ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure...)
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To: Kimmers

Bttt

12 posted on Tuesday, March 09, 2010 10:36:21 AM by ebshumidors (Everything you read about 'top conservatives say' is a lie unless they asked me first!)
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To: pke
If you show up to a party and see someone wearing the same outfit you have a friend for life.

outfit???? whats an outfit? You mean jeans and a shirt?
13 posted on Tuesday, March 09, 2010 10:37:32 AM by MrPiper
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To: RushIsMyTeddyBear

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

14 posted on Tuesday, March 09, 2010 10:40:47 AM by Grunthor (Everyone hates the U.S. at least until they need liberated.)
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To: Kimmers
You can play with toys all your life

Ya, thats my favorite,,, airplanes, motorcycles, boats and guns. Fun, fun.
15 posted on Tuesday, March 09, 2010 10:45:40 AM by MrPiper
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To: Kimmers
The garage is all yours.

Nope, I have to share mine.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Then why am I the one negotiating the catering contract?

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

Try $50 for her dress, and $1000 for my suit (it's not a rental).

Everything on your face stays its original color.

But not on my head.
16 posted on Tuesday, March 09, 2010 10:46:39 AM by justlurking (The only remedy for a bad guy with a gun is a good WOMAN (Sgt. Kimberly Munley) with a gun)
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To: MrPiper
You can play with toys all your life

forgot to include sex in there somewhere,, sort of a.... hobby?
17 posted on Tuesday, March 09, 2010 10:46:39 AM by MrPiper
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To: MrPiper
It is easy to have designer shorts from these 6 for $6,
Yellow in front and brown in the back.:)
18 posted on Tuesday, March 09, 2010 10:50:21 AM by HuntsvilleTxVeteran ((B.?) Hussein (Obama?Soetoro?Dunham?) Change America Will Die From.)
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To: Kimmers
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

I once did a 6 month deployment with one "suitcase".

/johnny
19 posted on Tuesday, March 09, 2010 10:52:53 AM by JRandomFreeper (Gone Galt)
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To: MrPiper
Maybe for designer underwear, mine is about $6/6pack. Cheap is good..........

Commando is free.

/johnny
20 posted on Tuesday, March 09, 2010 10:53:48 AM by JRandomFreeper (Gone Galt)
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To: MrPiper

You can get six days outta ‘em iffn you turns um inside out.

LLS

21 posted on Tuesday, March 09, 2010 11:00:42 AM by LibLieSlayer (hussama will never be my president... NEVER!)
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To: Grunthor

You forgot to add, “anytime, anywhere.” LOL

22 posted on Tuesday, March 09, 2010 11:00:46 AM by hstacey (An ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure...)
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To: JRandomFreeper

Yeah, going bald is such a blast....

23 posted on Tuesday, March 09, 2010 11:01:40 AM by Vermont Lt (I do not live in Vermont. I did for four years and that was plenty.)
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To: Kimmers

My own from last week, speaking to an auto parts store manager:

“I don’t need a mechanic, I need an alternator.”

24 posted on Tuesday, March 09, 2010 11:05:08 AM by EricT. (Can we start hanging them yet?)
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To: Kimmers

no expectation to have a Brazilian Bikini Wax (for those that do not know what this is it is ALL GONE—front and back.)

25 posted on Tuesday, March 09, 2010 11:06:51 AM by GOP Poet (Obama is an OLYMPIC failure.)
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