A love story from busy guy, My failed relationship

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Nov 29 2009, 08:32 AM

I took the courage to write about my love relationship that has failed miserably. Happy reading.

Getting Know (9 years ago, 19 years old)

I waved good bye to my family, carrying a luggage as I entered the airport security maze. The next few days, another exciting chapter of my life would begin as an undergraduate student in UK.

Finally, I reached Hannover in Germany for a transit to Manchester. Wonder how the airport looked like, I walked around and bumped into a cute girl carrying a luggage.

"Student eh?" I thought.

My eyes wandered down past her face, and her luggage read "Syarikat perlancongan ..."

"A Malaysian student eh?" I presumed.

We walked past each other.

Soon, it was boarding time. I rushed into the plane. It was amazingly coincident that she was at the window seat, while I was at the isle, which was one seat away, and that seat was not occupied.

It was an hour flight and soon we reached Manchester. I took my luggage from the overhead luggage locker, and saw the "Syarikat perlancongan" luggage. I passed it to her.

"Are you going to university?"

"Yeah", she replied, with a sweet smile.

"I'm Winner, getting to University of Leeds"

"Really? me too."

"I'm into Engineering"

"I'm into music"

We took about one and a half hour train from Manchester to Leeds and learned about each other. We joined student orientation and most activities together.

Soon, our friends teased, we are indeed a perfect match.

The couple (6-9 years ago, 19-22 years old)

We loved each other and went through ups and downs most of the times. We exchanged rings after 6 months into relationship. She was a wonderful girl, she never asked about my family and loved me as who I am. I cherished every moment with her.

The Commitment (8 years ago, 20 years old)

"You loved me?"

"Yes, of course" I replied.

"How much?"

"I'm afraid it's my turn to ask" I interjected.

"Opsss..."

"How much you loved me?" I asked.

"Tricky you... very much," then she continued,

"Now my turn, how much you loved me then?"

"More than very much"

"Tricky!"

"No lah... it's true!"

"Then how are you going to show me?"

"I'll be the most ambitious and the best man in the world, for you deserve one"

We motivated each other and I studied very hard.

The Three Years Separation (3-6 years ago, 22-25 years old)

I could not believe that I was nominated as the best student and received a gold medal during graduation. I subsequently received a scholarship to do PhD at King's College, London for three years.

Sadly, we separated as she flew back to MY. She started teaching in a music school on part time basis. She could not get a full time job and earned about RM800 per month.

Every week, we chatted through Skype for 30 minutes, but reduced to 5 - 10 minutes as I got busier. She knew I hated MSN as it always popped up and distracted my work, so we only communicated through Skype.

Eventually, I got my PhD done within 3 years that normally takes 3 to 4 years!

Back to MY (3 years ago, 25 years old)

The PhD really worn me out! I needed a break, so I helped out my father in my family business.

She remained sweet and beautiful. One day, she visited my home.

"Wah.... your home is... undescribable!" she looked astonished.

Soon, my father got me a Camry as a company car that came at lower price through tax reduction.

"Wah.... you got new car?" she exclaimed this time!

I visited her parents and they were happy with us. She lived with her parents in a double storey terrace home, which I supposed quite old.

Her new job and my father's advice (3 years ago, 25 years old)

I told my father her predicament to teach in a small music school and needed a better job, but unfortunately, it was too difficult. It happened that my father knew an event management businessman. She then took up the job to perform during VIP events and later performed in KLCC.

"Son, you must seriously contemplate about her," My dad told.

"Why?"

"I have seen more girls better than her"

"Dad, don't worry, I know what to do"

I realized that being the only son, he wanted me to choose carefully. My dad wanted her to be clear that opening doors for her in job was not meant to be a ticket to our family.

"And, just ignore the girls if you find them annoying," my dad continued, referring to the girls in the office and I meet daily during marketing and while giving talks.

My GF didn't have much saving then, I paid her RM1500 per month for dress, cosmetic and facial.

My busy schedule (3 years ago, 25 years old)

I became very busy dealing with business, and my dad was always telling I have much more to improve in everything I did. From marketing to finance to human resource to accounting, there were tones to go through! Again, I worn out and old behaviors of mine crept back, just like while I was doing a PhD, I hate people to annoy me. I started to priortize my works.

She was annoying! (3 years ago, 25 years old)

When I was tired, she called for a movie and shopping! I was so annoyed when she called me out just to choose an evening gown that she would pay through my credit card that I had given her. There were many small annoying cases where I thought extremely trivial!

Deep down, I yelled "It doesn't matter you have small matters, but don't add burden to me!"
"你惹麻烦没关系, 可别三番四次麻烦我!!!!"

Things turn sour!

She performed violin very well in a performance at KLCC. She was most beautiful in her evening gown. I presented her 11 roses.

On our way back to her home. We were in a dark housing area.

"My stomach ache..." she complained.

I pulled over.

"Are you OK?" I put my hands over her stomach and moved my head closer.

Just all of a sudden, she caught hold my head and we kissed.

She undo my suit button, and put her hands on mine.

"No," I said, as I recalled my dad's advice.

On top of that, my dad is totally against shotgun marriage to save face for some reason, I admit.

Things turn MORE sour!

We never talked after that. I supposed she was temperamental. After two weeks, I bought another 11 roses and we had dinner near my office.

"I know you are strong, why you never approach me for the past six years?" She asked.

I turned irate!

"Just because you want to know I'm strong or weak, you lied on your stomach ache?"

I paid the bill and left for my office without meal.

Things turn EVEN MORE sour!

So, we went genting during a weekend after one of my meetings. I was actually very busy and hoped that trip could be canceled. Before I left, my dad passed me two vouchers for high end hotel rooms, normally given to managers. I also brought a Shiraz (red wine).

So, I brought her to the hotel room, and she turned irate this time knowing that we were in separate rooms! She stormed me out of her room!

I drank the whole Shiraz and slept through. The next day, I told her my busy schedule and we need to go back home immediately.

The separation again (2 years ago, 26 years old)

I got a job as researcher in NZ and moved here since then. We never communicated well, and probably, we have known each other for long, and the kind of love had fizzled out.

Break up

Six months into my job, she suggested break up. I agreed without much consideration.

Now (28 years old)

Both of us remain single. I heard from my male friend, she left her job and went back to the music school teaching again.

Reconciliation (28 years old)

Life has never been easy! As time goes by, the guiltiness and love grew stronger and stronger. It was simply irresistible. I missed her kiss, her hug, her smile, and even tears. I made up my mind to patch up with her.

On Dec 2, I flew back to MY from NZ.

Part 1: Dad vs Me AGAIN!
Wed, Dec 2, Noon

I arrived MY in the morning. I was tired due to time difference of 5 hours between MY and NZ. Mum has prepared my favourite lunch. She's always been caring. Next, Dad, Mum and I chatted in the study room at home. We talked mostly about my Dad's health. Then, about the business.

"Come to office later, you gotta show your face, otherwise everyone thought you were fired indefinitely."

"I'm tired, and will leave this Friday. Do I have to go to office?"

"Just show your face to managers, and I'll also show your results."

"What results?" I asked.

"Your poor performance! The business project."

"Alright, if you wanna scold, scold now." I was getting impatient.

"You did your project for six months about two years ago, every manager knew your poor performance!" Dad raised his voice.

"What's the results. Talk now, don't yell in the office!"

"Winner, speak properly." Mum advises.

"You managed the project for six months, you know the net profit? It was about RM300,000! That's a pathetic RM50,000 per month!" Dad yelled.

"What's wrong with RM50,000 per month for my first project?"

"You dare to ask! You told me you worked hard, and this was what you have got to show! If you were managing the entire company, it would have already been declared bankrupt!"

"You only gave me a pathetic team with 3 persons including 2 new employees, what do you expect?!" I questioned.

"My stupid son, can't you recruit yourself? Can't you borrow employee from other departments? I would have fired if you were not my son!"

"Everyone busy in the company, how to borrow?! Recruit new people need money, and the risk of the project was high! OK, I have failed! Fire me!" I barged out of the room, and stayed at the doorway.

"Told you son has his own way too, don't shout at him." Mum said softly.

"If you shout at him and know how to teach, I won't have to shout!"

Frustrated, I went golfing.

P/S: Dad would only scold me in a four-eye meeting (or six-eye with Mum). He is always proud of me in the office and outside. He has no fixed target in projects, and the target is always subjective. I was stupid though as I did not question much about the target of RM90,000 per month in this project, which was near to impossible! If I were to hire more people, the net profit would be less than RM50,000. Even borrow employee from other department needs to pay the other department money and reduce the net profit in this project!

Dad is dad, his target is always unachievable!

Wed, Dec 2, Nite

Went clubbing with a group of male friends. I was unhappy and drunk. Suddenly, I realized that my GF never likes clubbing, and all the while I went clubbing myself with others.

What a day! I was supposed to come back for reconciliation with GF, but ended up fanning the flame of angry.

Part 2: First Meet After TWO Years

Both of us were walking casually in a park near her music school in Genting. The park was quiet and deserted.

"How's life Winne?"

"Sorry, I'm Alice... it has been more than one year."

"I'm very good. How are you?" she continued.

"Not too bad."

"So, what brings you here? Business, I bet?"

"Yeah. But, I miss you too."

"Help yourself to concentrate on your work then."

"I tried, but I failed."

"Doesn't sound like you. Failure has never crept into your mind." She chuckled.

I was silenced by her statement.

"Feel cold?" I asked as I was offering her my suit jacket.

"No, I have acclimatised"

"Well, how's your work?" I asked.

We chatted about our daily routine, family and parents. Everything goes fine, however, it was unfortunate that her younger sister was diagnosed with a serious disease that has put her on edge. I listened to her predicament and suggested several private hospitals.

"Winne, I love you."

"Your new secretary eh?" She smiled. "I'm Alice"

"I'm sorry, I'm wrong, right from the beginning."

"Again, doesn't sound like you. Wrong for what?"

"Winne, you know I love you most."

I whimpered and tried to convince her how deep was my feeling towards her. I felt helpless, and made a small step towards her. I put my suit over her shoulder and hugged her hips from behind.

"Back off or I'll yell!" she exclamed, while passing the suit back to me.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to."

"Winner, please don't disappoint the new Winne, she needs you most!"

"No, you are my Winne, forever."

"Sorry, my boyfriend will come shortly, I have made him a call."

I felt helpless! I was sick at heart upon hearing about boyfriend.

She was getting annoyed and started to recall the past.

"You always said your secretary is hot and beautiful!"

"It was just a joke."

"I never like facial, hair dressing and make up sessions several times a week!"

"You could tell me."

"Winner, you never change!"

"Shall I tell you to love someone uglier than your secretary?" she continued.

"You always said how hot and beautiful the other girls at swimming pool!"

I kept silence.

"Shall I tell you to love someone wearing a primary one swim suit?"

I was astonished she could vividly remember every detail that I do and told unintentionally.

"I'm sorry, my fault"

"AGAIN! Doesn't sound like you. What fault? It was me who can't cope with that, so my fault!"

"No, I never understand you. I'm sorry"

"Hi James, meet Winner" A man, about 35 years old, came and stand a few meters away from us.

I inched forward and put my suit over her shoulder and, again hugged her. I shed tears.

"Winne, I could not lose you"

"Back off or I'll yell!"

"No, I love you Winne, I know you have feeling towards me"

She agitatedly shrugged me off.

"What are you doing? Winner! My boyfriend's here!"

She got out of my hold and slapped me lightly at my right cheek.

"You're crazy!"

"No, I love you! I can't live without you."

I moved forward and hugged.

"Back off! You are abusive!"

"Hey you!" the as**** yelled.

"James, he's crazy."

James pushed me off and punched me right in the stomach!

"James, what are you doing! Stop!" Winne yelled.

"Can't you men use your brain? Both of you are crazy!"

"Alice, are you OK? You are shivering." James asked.

"Winner, I'm sorry, are you OK?" Winne concerned about me as I was doubled over.

"I'm fine Winne" I replied. My feeling was akin to beating my head against a brick wall! Deep down, I exclaimed "Who the hell is this James? You got her and punched me!"

"Let's go Alice, he was assaulting you." the son of a * said.

"Shut up! Can't you stop making trouble?" Winne shouted. She was right. How dare this son of a * punched me!

Winne propped me up.

"I'm fine. Bye." I told Winne. I'm uncertain what to do next and barged off.

"Bye. Sorry again, Winner."

I'm hurt deep down.

Part 3: She's Winne?!

Upon returning home, I called her to apologise.

"Hello" her father greeted.

"Hi Uncle, I'm Winner. How are you?"

"Fine. What was happening? She keeps silent and herself in her room."

Her father has been keeping mum on our relationship, and is indeed someone for me to turn to.

"Sorry, just a small misunderstanding."

"Winne, you have a phone call." her father called her.

Deep down, I was confused. Her father called her Winne! Did I hear correctly? I bet I was correct!

"I suppose she's taking a rest. Anything you wanna talk to me?" her father replied.

"Nothing. I'm glad she's taking a rest."

"Winner, no one else could understand her most except you."

"She's been with you for eight years," her father continued.

"I'm sorry." I replied.

"You are a smart guy, you know what to do. Uncle only hopes to see her happy."

"I will. No worry uncle."

"Bye."

"Bye."

Part 4: At the KLIA airport
Friday, Dec 4

I arrived at the KLIA airport five hours earlier than my departure time. Aimlessly, I walked briskly around the airport.

"How encouraging if she could appear." I thought.

If only I could turn back time, how I wish those sweet moments when we first met in Germany could reoccur. I deeply regret for love is the precious gift to be treasured, yet I have been mistreating her

Time is ticking ever faster. Soon, it was one hour to departure time. Subconsciously, I quickened my pace. I wasn't late but where am I getting to? I'm confused.

"Winner!"

I turned my head to the side. She was standing there alone with her glistening eyes. We looked at each other for a moment. It was a mixed feeling... thankful, relieved, joy, confused, palpitations...

I inched towards her.

"Hi Winne, how are you?"

I cleared my throat. We remained silent, and were overwhelmed with emotion. She began to shed tears.

"I hope you could accept my apologise." I whimpered.

She snuggled and hugged me.

"I love you. I'll never hurt you again." I promised her.

We hugged each other. She remained silent and cried over my shoulder.

"Life has never been easy for us. I'm sorry." I apologised.

She passed me the suit jacket that I left her yesterday.

"Thanks for the flight ticket." I took the tickets from the suit.

"So, don't you leave if I don't come?" She said softly, sobbing between words.

"I'll be by your side, Winne."

"Winner, I'm sorry, but I'm tired with my sister getting sick, and I'm occupied with my work as well."

"Winne, everything will be fine. Don't worry."

I know I could not get a positive response at that moment, but I'm willing to wait for her answer.

Soon, it was boarding time. We bid farewell.

Part 5: NOW in NZ
Sunday, Dec 6

It has been more than one day since we bid farewell to each other. I am still waiting for a response. Be it positive or otherwise, I'll leave it to our destiny, for I have tried my best.

This post has been edited by theWinner: Dec 6 2009, 11:52 AM


--------------------
I pride myself on continuing education:
University of Leeds (BEng, Age 19-22)
King's College, London (PhD, Age 22-25)
University College London (PostDoc, Age 28-30)
Current Age: 28 :)

Posted on: Dec 26 2009, 04:00 PM

Knowing you all are supportive here in LYN, I come by the CC on a whim smile.gif Thanks for your encouragement.

I don't kow it's a happy or sad ending, but I'm glad she has chosen the right man smile.gif Anyway, I think I have come to term with it though I was adrift a couple of days ago. I just came back from a short vacation during this Christmas season and feel much better now.

Meet another girl? Probably some time later smile.gif You know I have been a horrible BF, I know.

Nah... if I could turn back time...

Nah, we have separated....

Posted on: Dec 23 2009, 07:06 PM

Hi All,

First and foremost, I would like to express my gratitude to you all for your numerous help, suggestions, guidance and encouragements. Your constant support and words of wisdoms and belief that kept me driven throughout my predicament, from confession to patching up, have been very much appreciated. And, indeed, I learned a lot from you all smile.gif

One month ago when I first came to CC, I was blissfully unaware of LOVE after getting into relationship with my GF for eight years. We were indeed a good match, and our campus love had been envied by most of our friends, that's about five to eight years ago.

We were talking through Skype quite some time ago, and as before, we ran out of topic, and again, we came to a moment of silence. Winne apologised for she had kept something from my knowledge all this while. She had actually wanted to call off our relationship quite some time ago, but was reluctant to inform me until I could feel better.



"Winner, you are a good man. I'm sure you'll find someone better."

"I'm happy you have decided eventually. My blessing goes with you."

"Winner, I wish something..."

"What?"

"Not your fault. Never hurt yourself as it hurts me more."

"Nah... I won't. You promise me as well."

"By the way, Winne, let's call each other every week. See what we could help with each other?"

"Sure. Good night, Winner"

"Bye"


It was a mixed feelings. Probably, I have been confused for quite some time, so I was not overcome by sadness.

Yes, we break up eventually. Well, I respect her, and we will be friend forever.

At this point, I'll retire from CC for long. Yeah, I need a break... I'll take a long break before starting out another relationship.

Once again, thanks all for your support and constructive critism. I appreciate a lot smile.gif

I'm a staunch Buddhist who have been giving advice about Buddhism in All About Religion, sad to say, I'm not a good lover. You could also find me in Charity section Donation to Kids in South Africa. Bye!

Posted on: Dec 23 2009, 03:11 PM

Alright, I'll plan to fly back to MY, probably during New Year. Hope ticket is still available.

I think it's hard to talk over skype. Talking about daily routine seems have become more like questions and answers session, even worst interrogation.

At the age of 28, after separating with her for more than 1 year, I felt myself to have lost the charm that I once had especially sweet talk, which to me is nothing other than childish! I have start to feel that our talk over Skype has become dry and dull. With such conversation, I have no idea at all how to express "I miss you". I could not help but feel myself being hollow-hearted to express something emotional. Not to mention to ask her for forgiveness, I don't feel myself sincere at all.

Commitment is my only charm. I hope she could understand through heart-to-heart talks. I wish I could talk to her in a quiet place. Deep down, my pressure has become overwhelming. For the past 8 to 9 years, I NEVER told her a single predicament of mine: the high expectation on me to achieve the best in career and education, the parental and peer pressure to get an extraordinary GF who could walk and wear like a model and capable, etc.. I know I was wrong, I thought I could sweep all these under the carpet, but I failed miserably. I do feel I need someone to talk to FACE-TO-FACE, and someone who could understand the previous me before my repentance to lighten the heavy luggage inside me. I feel she need to understand more about me. No, she wasn't wrong in the past, it was me who never like get into tell-all conversation. I thought everything was trivial, only career is important, but now I know, life is more than that. In the past, I always thought I'm PhD holder, how could I simply express my problems, not to mention those sentimental ones, to others especially my GF.

For weeks, I drank a lot and had many sleepless nights. I don't self-pity nor do I need sympathy from anyone. I just like to be tipsy, at least I could have some time to escape from reality.

Yeah, I am a horrible person, I know!

Posted on: Dec 23 2009, 04:43 AM

We chat daily routine. I still don't have the guts to say even I miss you. cry.gif

I think it takes time before we could advance to the next level. I fear being rejected, I fear to pressure her, and I fear how to survive without her if she happened to reject me cry.gif

I'm a worry lot now. I love her and miss her dearly, and have been drinking for the past few weeks sad.gif

Posted on: Dec 22 2009, 11:12 AM


I have surrendered to my destiny like the way I surrender to her. Yeah, I'll accept her decision wholeheartedly. I let her decide the next move.

I'm no longer as in the past, rather than to ask, or worst-still NEVER ask, what she wants, I choose to understand her routine and go from there. I'm not sure how many girls are like her: She's a girl who NEVER complain. She feels chilly or whatever, yet she won't tell me face to face, I always have to guess what's going on in her mind. Researcher like me sees things in black and white, sometimes it's very daunting, but anyway I still have to analyse what's going on in her.

Nah... I haven't got the guts to express my feelings, don't know why, something peculiar between us though. It's has become touchy for me to tell even "I miss you", no to mention other expressions.

Posted on: Dec 22 2009, 08:56 AM

After separation for one year, it seems there is gap, confusion and silence between us at times sad.gif
To talk with her from the bottom of my heart is difficult. I fear being rejected cry.gif

Posted on: Dec 15 2009, 03:57 AM


You could never undermine my capability! I'll win this time biggrin.gif

Yes, first and only love for 8 years since 19 years old. I have only one lover!

Posted on: Dec 13 2009, 07:23 PM

I hope I would not follow your footsteps! I love Winne most, I could not lose her cry.gif Every night I think of her. Mystically, she always looks young in my mind, and I could never fall asleep without her beaming at me!

Yeah, Dad and I always roar to each other. But, I have been getting soft lately because he is getting old and sick. I could only use the soft approach now. Same here, when my GF and I separated for one year (I'm trying to patch up now), I used to fantasy Korean, Japanese and Taiwanese cute girls, I thought I could forget about her, but instead, the sense of guilty and love for her grows as time goes by. Sigh... my fault.

Posted on: Dec 13 2009, 05:41 PM

To be specific, I count every single word, and mystically it ends exactly in 15 minutes! That's more accurate than an alarm clock!

P/S: Sarcasm is a norm in NZ. But somehow, Malaysian could get ireful out of it. No offence, just in case some people do not understand the culture.

Actually, I never sweet talk. I'm reluctant to do so, don't ask why, I don't know either. Probably I have lost interest in sweet talking at 28? We chat about our routine and recent happenings. So, it takes longer than before.

Posted on: Dec 13 2009, 04:46 PM

I'm not geek lah... I'm not smart enough... definitely not Cambridge material.

My GF is stressful lately with work and her sister illness, so I never ask her about our relationship. We have Skype everyday for 15 minutes, embarassingly, it's much longer than ever before. Good progress eh?

Posted on: Dec 13 2009, 01:58 PM

Because some said I'm liar just because of my English proficiency. I have no clue how people could reach this conclusion.

As an engineer, I work around with maths and designs, not language!

Speaking of language, Chinese is becoming the "First" language in most renowned engineering research lab. As an example, 5 out of 7 PhD students at an engineering lab in Cambridge University are Chinese:

Click: People at Cambridge
Note: I'm not one of them!

Same goes to my laboratory while I was doing my PhD. What the fuss?

Just because you are in UK or NZ does not mean you have a good command of English! I hear more Chinese than English in lab. Malaysian, Singaporean, Taiwanese, Chinese, people from Hong Kong... all speak mandarin or cantonese, and we did have fun playing mahjong during weekend!

Frankly, I'm more impatient than you are. I suppose I'll only express my concern with her during Chirstmas and New Year.

My gf is pregnant?
Posted on: Dec 12 2009, 05:35 PM

Not related. I was just teasing StrawberryGirl, she's a nice girl just in case you never realise. A video clip of RM3K++ is consider a luxury, so a few carat diamond or roses would make her heart flutter with joy smile.gif She's not materialistic, well she's as good as my GF smile.gif

Choosing a girl : Brain vs Beauty
Posted on: Dec 12 2009, 03:18 PM

Are you sure that's your complete list of criteria? Friend, your criteria would change from time to time, and it's more likely to grow, rather than diminishing.

9 years ago when I was 19, my list has NIL criteria. I was blissfully unaware of anything other than true love, and I got to know a wonderful girl. After getting a PhD 3 years ago, I raised the bar to include many criteria. I did not change my GF, instead I was all out to change or 'upgrade' her to achieve my extraordinary list of criteria. She felt guilty for not being up to par. We temporarily separate. Now, I'm patching up with her, and things get back to square one, I have NIL criteria. All I want is HER SOUL!

You realise that there are many girls around who lack a number of your existing or 'new and unknown' criteria, and so you tick them off. Why ticking them off if you have more choices? Be smart, if you have not established a relationship, don't simply tick off the girls! You never know that there are many girls so as my GF who could unconditionally change for the sake of you in the name of love. Once you have crushed on her, believe me, you'll feel that your list of criteria would just vanish into thin air! That's the power of love!

Feel the love! TS has never feel it before!

Posted on: Dec 12 2009, 09:54 AM

I doubt everyone in this forum would be deceived into thinking that you are such a trustworthy person. You definitely not, my dear junior member! You should have laid off long ago. Don't you know Malaysian speaks Manglish during casual talk, and English during meeting and work? You are insulting Malaysian at large!

Posted on: Dec 12 2009, 05:41 AM

OK. My fault sad.gif
I'll swallow this bitter pill sad.gif


Cantonese is normally written in traditional Chinese. It's my mother tongue. Back then at early 20s, I used to read HK paparazzi, and China Press at times. Not difficult wat?

It has become my mantra now: Winner and Winne are our nicknames, not registered names! Just because you never follow this thread properly, don't put your blame on me!

As I have said, you have thousand and one reason to brush my points aside. You have no guts to accept the fact that it's real.

Again, I'm not in the least bit interested to substantiate my story. Go and figure out the odds yourself. For instance, I said a Kelab Gold Diraja membership costs about RM20,000. I said I took train (transpennine) from Manchester to Leeds because a metro like Leeds does not have a proper international airport. All these you could proof yourself, and you don't have to stoop so low to preach your very own mantra "It's a fake!" that is uncalled for everywhere!

OK, if you really happened to be here in NZ, which is questionable for you have never substantiate your claim as well, you know we in NZ rarely use cash on daily transaction including those that involve petty cash. We use EFTPOS. You pay anything in shop using EFTPOS including a one dollar stuff. I never take public transportation, so don't ask about bus ticket. For more than one year, I have been "Penniless", all i use is a simple EFTPOS card. ONLY SOMEONE WHO HAVE BEEN IN NZ for long could tell you this, dude.

Posted on: Dec 11 2009, 07:43 PM

Sorry everyone for tardy reply lately.

Because the stranger punched me! If not because of Winne, he might have turned me into vegie. He is more than an ahole!

I have forgotten about the incident now, otherwise I will show many true colour.... legal action! Well, I'll never do it coz it will hurt Winne most.

Put it this way, I'll marry her based on her decision.
Parent wise, there is only one way to please dad, the results! He wanted to see my results, anything else seems to be so trivial. If I could deliver, I guess he wouldn't constraint much, but this is just my guess. Having said that my success should be largely credited towards her, then dad will know she's a good daugther in law. Sigh... my burden is getting heavier!

Life's complicated. What you have read in this thread are just tip of the ice berg.

Pressure was mounting from all sides:
1. To give Winne a happy life;
2. To convince my rigid Dad that Winne is a good DIL. And, Dad is getting old and sick, so if we could not see eye to eye, it might deteriorate his health condition, something that I never want to provoke;
3. To deliver extraordinary results expected by Dad who always proud of getting business on the run from scratch!

I'm more like a living dead to fulfill others, and sadly the pressure was the only thing that has kept me driven to this day.

Some blame me for many reasons because you never see this in a holistic manner. I'm trying my best to make things work, while keeping everyone happy.

Yes, some of you said, if you love her, go and get her, don't bother your Dad. It will never work if you see this dilemma from the aforementioned three perspectives. To me, I never regard my happiness important. I just hope everyone happy, as simple as that. If Winne feels she could be happier with me, I would be grateful for I love her very much.

Now, I'm a loser who has yet to achieve anything. Fingers crossed, I'll pull through.


It was just my perfunctory attempt to help you all to believe in me so as not to disappoint those who have helped me a lot. Sorry, if you feel I'm here to claim my own credibility, I'm in the least bit interested to do so. I don't need credibility, I just hope the good posters could continue to help others in CC.

Added on December 11, 2009, 8:30 pmWinner and Winne Song:

無求甚麼　無尋甚麼　突破天地　但求夜深

奔波以後　能望見你　你可否知道麼

平凡亦可　平淡亦可　自有天地　但求日出

清早到後　能望見你　那已經很好過

當身邊的一切如風　是你讓我找到根蒂

不願離開　只願留低　情是永不枯萎

而每過一天　每一天　這醉者

便愛你多些　再多些　至滿瀉

我發覺我最愛與你編寫　以後明天的深夜

而每過一天　每一天　這醉者 (這情深者)

便愛你多些　再多些　至滿瀉 (然後再多一些)

我最愛你與我這生一起　哪懼明天風高路斜

名是甚麼　財是甚麼　是好滋味　但如在生

朝朝每夜　能望見你　那更加的好過

Winne, I'm sorry for I have hurt you deeply.
I'm an ordinary man trapped in a wealthy family with stringent rule.

How I wish we could understand each other more than anyone else.
How I wish I could come from an ordinary family to be with you unconditionally.
How I wish I could turn back time to re-kindle the simple love once we had.
Finally, how I wish you could read this thread.

Posted on: Dec 11 2009, 07:37 PM

You could never trade beauty for brainy and vice-versa. Beauty is an extrinsic characteristic; while brainy being intrinsic. Comparing an apple with an orange would just put you remorseful in the future, for you can't gain both of them simultaneously.

CC is not a crystal ball that could tell you whom to choose, so you must contemplate youself.

You don't love a girl's beauty or brainy, do you? I never! I love her soul, and I love her from head to toe, from inside to outside! I love her as a whole, not parts and pieces!

If you love a girl's beauty, you would lost interest in her one day. Who never get bored if both of you get along with each other for 24/7?.
If you love a girl's brain, you would still lost interest in her one day if she never improve herself everyday.

So, never be choosy to love a girl's parts and pieces, love her as a whole!

I'm on the verge of losing my GF, and my fate is yet to be confirmed, so I'm a loser. I advise, at the bottom of my heart, you should ask yourself, whom will you regret most if you were to forego her. I have been drinking heavily lately while thinking of my GF, argh... I could never lose her. I love her most. Asked if whom should I choose, I'll die hard to get her. Now, you see how straight forward to choose a GF?

Posted on: Dec 10 2009, 12:28 PM

8-9 years ago, when I was a teenager, I rarely thought about the price to love a girl. It was real blind love. Forget about match or not based on our family background.

After my PhD graduation, I confessed, I took her for grant. I thought she had been waiting for many years, so separating seemed impossible. That's why I was quite aggressive to change her in the past. I was aggressive at times after drinking as well.

She is not a liability/risk at all! I love her deep down. I just hope to gratify both my family and her. I presumed that dad and her would have countless spat in the future. And I would have hard times to pacify all sides. If I fail to convince my dad, even after marriage, she might be unhappy.

I guess it's better to solve the problem right now rather than putting it off.

Sorry that I would not reveal any location information in response to your inquiry that put my privacy at edge. Please respect my privacy as everyone in the forum has their own right to privacy. I see revealing my location won't help at all to authenticate this thread.

You could have thousands and one reasons to accuse me of being a liar.

I reiterate, if you are unhappy with this thread, which is your own personal issue, please ask the moderator about my IP location. I have been most considerate to support the moderator to tell the truth. From now on, all replies related to private information would be ignored.

Thanks for being understanding for me, and Winne.

You owed everyone in this forum an explanation! My IP address! What was your finding? It's going to be 24 hours soon since your pledge to authenticate my IP.

Don't twist and turn our attention to James. I'm in the least bit interested to know about James. You better give a good response as I have nothing to hide!

Just tell everyone, is the IP address an NZ one! Unless you twist the fact, it's NZ!

Posted on: Dec 9 2009, 05:30 PM

Of course I have been in LYT, but I was in the other forum, the real world issue. I was then BN supporter under username WizGuy, but people misunderstood and thought I was a BN cyber troop and being scolded endlessly! Desperate, I never go to real world issue anymore.

This is my first time here in CC under, and I'm comfortable using my real nickname, Winner.

Posted on: Dec 9 2009, 05:00 PM

winkybear, it would appear some elite/senior member want to infringe my privacy.

Posted on: Dec 9 2009, 12:13 PM

I replied about authenticity in this post.

There is no point for me to substantiate whatsoever. After all, we are already well into 23 pages. I appreciate the advice that I have got here, and I have achieved what I need out of CC.

There are >13000 views. If someone could tell I plagiarise, please show everyone where I have got this story from. With hands over heart, yes, it's my real love.

No. I'm not going to show any picture as I wish to remain anonymous. Even if I put up my pictures, I doubt you would believe them.

Why does it sound dramatic? I suppose it's my writing skill?

As I have said, I would like to remain anonymous. You have been asking too much.

Giving up private information per your request is considerd infringement of privacy, in my humble opinion.

I could not help if you single me out in this forum. As you might aware some people can't even put on their sexuality well. Guy becomes girl and vice-versa.

For those who have been following my posts, replies and threads, if you ever stumbled upon any loop hole, please tell the others, and I will be happy for you save my time. thanks!

Posted on: Dec 9 2009, 11:53 AM

Coz Winne may not like the idea.

Posted on: Dec 8 2009, 12:24 PM

At this point, I would just have to say, the choice is her's. If James happens to be her BF, and she chooses him, that's fate, I have really tried my best. Yes, it was my fault, I hope she could accept a fresh new Winner.

I beg to differ your point. What if James is a real Axxhole? What if James is a womaniser? Or James has debt under his belt? Isn't that I'm a savior?

I agree, I see no point James punched me, but I might appear aggressive. I was a bit aggressive in the past especially when drunk. She knows I like drinking and my slight aggressiveness when drunk.

In short, the choice is hers.

Alright, I'm sheep smile.gif A gentle sheep smile.gif

So, you meant I skip flight? I might be kayu, but actually, I need to come back to conclude my research in NZ, after which I would be free and I might go London next year. Too much to contemplate during that one hour before flying. I communicate with her daily now, though I never ask about James and patching up. I'm afraid she gets worried.


Why should I listen to you with your "didi" remarks? The unfavourable joke that nobody cares, didn't you realize?

Plagiarise? Please substantiate your claim. I would appreciate you show me who is plagiarising my love story.

Noted. Priapuseros vs. Dad sad.gif

Priority now:
C : your winne
A : your dad & mom
B : your job , your phd or watever

I have put my own priority (B) at last. Yeah, I have good job and prospect, supportive mum. I need Winne! She need my caring and love too smile.gif

Why you want my picture? I don't think you'll believe my picture anyway. Even if I put up one, it will be censored (like JAV) with mosaic.

Not twisted, but incomplete. There are some interesting parts that I skipped. Actually, other than flight tickets in my suit jacket, there were... secret! I think she was touched with those secrets.

Posted on: Dec 8 2009, 12:14 PM

Hi all, hope you understand that I'm getting into the busy cycle again and my feedback would be much later. I also spend time Skype with GF lately smile.gif Sorry though.

Posted on: Dec 7 2009, 01:51 PM

Actually, I have already malas long ago to respond to post like this.

Posted on: Dec 7 2009, 10:49 AM

I beg to differ. Read the posts from some guys, and you'll see how immature. I never choose to condemn anyone, but I see no point to argue about our lovely nicknames, or talk about the private part, all craps that some guys are keen to talk about.

Please take note that I skipped the girls' replies at times, so I can't help if you think I'm here to melt the girls. I also apologised to debbieyss for making her angry with my remarks unintentionally.

Can't you see my effort to patch up? Just why I want to get girls here, please judge it yourself.


Posted on: Dec 7 2009, 06:13 AM

No, I won't consider myself from a wealthy family. I have been independent myself all this while. Three years overseas while doing my PhD, it was sponsored by the UK. Now, I'm at overseas in NZ, and I'm all by myself. I never make myself to appear rich or whatsoever. I'm just trying my best to be an obedient son so that my dad could be less worried about business and family. It was only peer pressure that I wanted a change in her, but I was selfish.

Yeah, I might move to London next year for a research position with a contract of two years. I would consider bringing my GF there for both of us were in UK during undergraduate. I think we need to leave MY for some time, if she wants to.

Might be. She need time to contemplate further. I respect her right and decision.

A big thanks to you smile.gif I see most girls here are very good smile.gif Of course, once in awhile, there are some immature comments from guys when it comes to the most treasured body part of a man, and also the nick Winner and Winne. We loved each other very much and our nicks mean too much to us. We had many good memories just because of our nicks.

A sheep?! I bet a lion! I'm brave enough to pull through!


Remembered for the rest of my life.

Anyway, I'll accept her decision as fate. There is nothing more I could do now other than helping her on her work and sister's illness.

Posted on: Dec 6 2009, 03:42 PM

Agree. And you know I'm an open person, she has the right to know any person on earth including James. But I choose to switch my focus to her job and sister illness at this point. James is not someone I should border now.

She is not scolding him. She is just a bit panicky. She never whined and scolded me during the past eight years.

Posted on: Dec 6 2009, 02:47 PM

"once u see ghost, you will scare of darkness". It's me who have seen the scary thing, and I confess it was my mistake.

I never know who is him.


I think you are the only few who can't understand the story line. So far, I see the gals could understand the story.

Let me interpret clearly to save you some brain power.

Her father called her WINNE. This meant ALICE might not exist. I guess she never change her nick, and ALICE was just a make up. Got it?

I don't know who is James, but he called her Alice.

Anyway, if her father called her Winne, it means she put much weight on Winne, which is the name that I got her to match Winner.

Added on December 6, 2009, 2:57 pmI love my GF, and if some of you followed my previous thread, you know I'm an open guy who gives freedom to my GF to do anything she likes, be it career or stay at home. She could socialise with anyone on earth, and I'm not in the least bit interested to put up any constraint on her, for I know that we both love each other and I know she is an obedient girl.

Posted on: Dec 6 2009, 12:42 PM

Hello santaclaus, did you read my previous post? I said Winner and Winne are our nick name, which are informal.

Did I said I forced myself to change? I said I'm ready to change for her.

I don't see you understand the discussion here, or you never read or listen properly.

True, I did feel James was merely a rescue boat. I understand her more than anyone else, and she never appears to love someone 8 years elder than her.

YES. I'll give her more support and share her plights together.

Posted on: Dec 6 2009, 11:45 AM

I'm Winner. While we were in UK, I suggested her Winne as nick name. We loved each other very much, and promised to keep our nick Winner and Winne forever. I suppose she was sad upon break up and she subsequently changed her nick to Alice without my knowledge.

Hi All, story updated.

No, I don't need anyone sympathy. far be it from me to feel even the slightest self-pity.

I'm confused. I don't care if he is her new BF or otherwise, but I could deeply feel she still have feeling towards me.

Do you remember about your first love?
Posted on: Dec 6 2009, 09:33 AM

First love? You gotta kidding. I have been with my GF for eight to nine years, and I love her much till now.

Flizzardo, you change BF frequently? BFs are not clothes, you don't need to change often to keep yourself trendy.

Posted on: Dec 6 2009, 06:40 AM

Research is the easiest. You know why? Because 1+1=2, nothing else, and it's non arguable.

Love is complicated. Can't tell.

Sorry if I had reminded you of the bitter past.

I'm glad you hate me, for there is no other person in this world who hate me like you do. I could not recall a single moment when my GF gets temperamental and into cold war (小姐脾气). She's a strong girl who keeps things to herself, and a dumb guy like me never cared to ask.

If she could find relief in slapping me, I would hope she could slap me endlessly.

Sorry to keep you waiting. And, sorry again, I was rude to you yesterday.

P/S: I bought a Scottish whisky tax-free at the airport. Upon reaching home, I logged into lowyat while sipping before I realised I got a bit drunk. You are indeed supportive, and I appreciate your critical views at all times.


I'm sure she would be sad to hear about this.
You are such a hypocrite to tell this. Your father brought you up, instead of giving the judgment on who he likes most, you predict that he leaves you penniless. You dare to say "If he dies"! Be a good girl and be a good daughter.

Your suggestion tells you are a real hypocrite! Love is love. Can't a guy like me get a simple girl?

Note: Story updated.

Posted on: Dec 5 2009, 04:29 PM

No, I'm fine. Just feel a bit tired to be a good BF, while being a good son.

Those of you who think that I'm working hard, and neglect relationship, just because I'm going to inherit my father business so that I could earn more to make the rich richer and poor poorer are absolutely wrong!

It's about being an obedient son. My father is getting old and sick, and I have always been thinking of making him less worried. So, I worked hard to achieve something.

Years overseas pursuing my education. If I were really money minded, do you think I have the courage to pull through till PhD?

Far be it from me to be a good BF, as well as an obedient son. True, I'm just a loser who have failed miserably at both. Father never satisfied with my achievement, while GF left.

No, I'm not self pity, don't get me wrong. But, at the age of 28, how many of us fail both

Posted on: Dec 5 2009, 03:41 PM

Gals, am I the worst BF? Do you hate me? I know you hate a BF like me! I felt myself the worst BF.

This thread is going to be more than 20 pages very soon, hate me or not, you all have been blaming me wrong, but then why you wanna help an arrogant person like me? I'm curious.

I never self-pity! So, if you wanna scold, please go ahead.

Note: Story updated in first post. Thanks.

Posted on: Dec 5 2009, 02:45 PM

Give me time, it takes a lot of courage to tell... Sorry, I'm a bit tired though.

Posted on: Dec 5 2009, 01:08 PM

Story updated at first post. I'm still scripting the rest. Thanks.

Posted on: Dec 5 2009, 12:49 PM

Stop being 婆婆媽媽! I used to be frank in my work, as well as life. Things have got to the point of no return. I'm ready to compensate for her.

Posted on: Dec 5 2009, 09:58 AM

Yes, I was arrogant. I always compared her with others' GF, especially my comrades and other VIP's sons. I could not afford to lose face to see others sexy GF, but my own GF was merely wearing a one-piece swim suit. I could not agree with her doing badly in golf after heavy investment in her. But now, I regret.

Yes, I will spend time with her smile.gif

Thanks for your courage!

I confess myself not a good BF. I'm changing. Thanks for your wake up call.

Stop disgracing her!


I admit, yes, I'm kiasu. I compared her with others too much, but I could tell, most of my comrades and persons I met while in MY are somewhat kiasu. For instance, I would have to hide my face if GF attend function without at least 1 carat diamond (could be pendant).

I regret I was wrong though.

Alright, I would have to script what had happened, otherwise, you guys would scold me like nobody again.

Posted on: Dec 5 2009, 09:46 AM

Thanks everyone for your concern. I have read all your posts, PM and sorry that I never replied posts in the past few days. I was away to MY for reconciliation with my GF, and now I'm here back in NZ.

I received a lot of PMs. Thanks for your personal courage!


Yes, it was my mistake. When she suggested break up, I did not even border to ask about the reason. Love between us had fizzled out that time, but only did I realize to have missed someone most important after one year. I regret, and as time goes by, the guiltiness and the love for her grow stronger and stronger, irresistible!

Posted on: Dec 1 2009, 09:34 AM

Thanks everyone for your comment, advice and encouragement. I'm off to prepare for reconciliation. There is a way if there is will. I'm off to MY tomorrow, and come back to NZ this Friday, just in time before my busy schedule haunt me again next week. Till then. Good luck to you all too!

Posted on: Nov 30 2009, 06:47 PM

Got it. As the only son, I have never forsaken anything thus far. Just hope he won't get mad with me, you see she's the only daughter in law, dad has high expectation as me.

Anyway, the past has long gone, and now at the age of 28, dad has become more understanding.

Posted on: Nov 30 2009, 06:35 PM

Can't help, but I'll take the risk to convince all parties: Father, Mom, GF.
All three of them have to be harmonious.

For hard approach, I'll talk to dad directly; for sof tapproach, I'll try to go through mom....

Posted on: Nov 30 2009, 06:24 PM

Rule is rule, and I'm in the least bit interested to do anything to change my rigid dad. However I could spin, he is a high profile person and a VIP in most occasion, and no matter how high I achieve, get a PhD, do a business project in his company, he would still think I know nothing.


One week after getting back from UK, I suggested to tour Australia with my GF.

"You must listen your father." My mom said, in her usual soft tone.

"But, I want to go to Australia for long holidays!" I stressed.

"Listen, Winner, you must listen to your father!" she repeated.

"Alright, reason?"

"You should achieve something, your father wants to see results."

"I don't get it, I'm tired!"

"Tired? So tired that you can go as far as Australia with a girl?"

"I have never been to Australia! This is a joke, who has never been to Australia?"

"Winner, look, you must listen to your father!"

Mom became serious and continued.


"Your father is old, he should have retired."

She became emotional.

"This is not something I should tell, but listen, who is going to manage the business one day your father is not feeling well?"

"Sorry" I went straight into my room.

debbieyss, Ice, rainbowemo and others, now you know why I have been a good "Kwan keok zai".

But, for personal life other than business, yes, I should talk to my father. I need a change!

Posted on: Nov 30 2009, 03:14 PM

Things have to be sorted out and done slowly to avoid any further mistake, so what the fuss if I talk about my rigid dad? Yes, call me loser now, but this does not mean I'll be loser forever if I want to win her back.

Tell me, how many successful relationship NEVER fail before? How many couples success without any break up? You are such a failure yourself to think that anything failed could never be success. You know how many times I failed in my research before getting a successful and satisfying result? Think yourself, we are not perfectionist!!!!!

Look at the shade of grey, not merely black and white!

I confessed I'm arrogant, and so if you think I'm an arrogant ass, please keep it to yourself. I have told I'm ready to change for her. Thanks!


Thanks for being understand.
The easiest one could be is a yee sai zou, but I'm far from being one.

Posted on: Nov 30 2009, 03:03 PM

Sis and I not very good at home, because we were treated differently. I learned golf and swimming, and no clubbing. While, she could do anything she likes! As the only son, I am being scolded from young to secondary school that I must get good results and everything, tuition for every subjects including SEJARAH and I could only play computer and video games for two hours once a week, and during school holidays!

Mom is good, she's soft and always supportive.

Most other girls in uni, office and talks know I'm dating, so nothing much to talk about.

Posted on: Nov 30 2009, 02:56 PM

I miss her dearly. I know this time, sweet talk and $$$ will never work. The only thing that work is me to put myself in her shoes.

She's an understanding person, otherwise, she should not have gone through all the ups and downs with me, especially doing things that she don't like, golfing, swimming, expensive stuff... So, I will request her for me to change within some time. I'm hope she agree and give me another chance.

Posted on: Nov 30 2009, 02:49 PM

You were all wrong with your presumptions. She was trying to test whether I'm strong, and since I'm strong, how come I never approach her. Since I'm all times busy, with good prospects and a person who always meet with girls around, she felt unsecured. But she didn't realized that, my dad had strict rules, that is never have any premarital sex so I won't become a yee sai zou. She felt unsecured as time goes by with me only know kissing, and cold on the real thing, be it protected or unprotected.

Posted on: Nov 30 2009, 02:44 PM

Yeah, I'll follow her heart.

I'll choose to wait for her after school, and have simple dinner, and sometimes, bring her family along and foster good relationship with her family.

In the past, her family treated me like a king. Once, I saw her home old, so I told her whether she wanted to moved out, and I could rent a nice banglow or condo for her. Stupid me, see how arrogant I was. I never put myself in her shoes.

Posted on: Nov 30 2009, 02:34 PM

Anyway, I'll try to avoid making myself to look like me the past. Rather than making myself look arrogant and smart in expensive suit and leather shoes, I'll dress like her brothers. And, diamonds and rose would be a no-no.

Stupid me, after 8 years, I never know which was her primary, secondary school and favourite places, I would have explored her childhood with her.

Posted on: Nov 30 2009, 02:28 PM

Stylish, I hope you won't cry to hear about my effort to change myself this time. I change myself just for her! I hope you could see the changes inside me, from "Smart guy is intimidating", "Life's too busy" to this threat.

I'm dumb. I'm so dumb that I only try to solve this problem about 1 year after break up. It's good to know she remains single. I just hope she could accept me, though anyone makes better BF than me. Useless me.

Posted on: Nov 30 2009, 02:20 PM

OK.

The mantra is "Listen to her, spend more time with what she wants to do, understand what she likes to eat and do, and always put myself in her shoes, understand her emotionally"


Posted on: Nov 30 2009, 02:11 PM

OK. I'll put her at the first priority.

I'll change myself to be a normal person.

All this while, I have only accustomed to big car, big house, giving her high end dinners, hotel rooms, roses, diamonds, credit cards, golf club membership... I think she must be longing for simple life, and if this is true, I'll make sure I won't behave in an arrogant manner.

Guys and gals, I'm changing for her, I love her!

Posted on: Nov 30 2009, 02:05 PM

I seldom understand her because I thought MY GOAL to get PhD and EFFORT to get into her into my family, PAY for her COSMETIC, DRESS, FACIAL, teach her GOLF, all these are OUR GOAL. But now I realize she had sacrificed herself too much.

Yes, I confess I don't know What Women And Girls Want, yet I never listen. I'll listen to her the next time.

Posted on: Nov 30 2009, 01:58 PM

I'll promise her to be by her side! This is the most bitter lesson that I have got in this life. For eight years, I never try to understand her predicament.

During my three years in UK, if she is materialistic, she should have got a good BF, but she endured RM800 salary per month while waiting for me to get back. Putting myself in her shoe, I could never know what I would do. Then, I changed her life drastically without understanding her plight. Back then, I was so egoistic that her parent treated me like VIP at her home, smile and served me good food. Now, I would try to understand what she wants.

She is now teaching in the old music again. I'll make sure she's happy, rather than change her job or whatsoever.

Posted on: Nov 30 2009, 01:40 PM

Can't you stop being hypocrite? I never said I'm rich in this thread. Look, only you said I'm rich. Point me where I said I'm rich and she's poor!

I confessed I'm egoistic, and this shows I'm not egoistic after all. Crazy people never call themselves crazy, got it?!

Since when I forgot she loved me when I was nobody?!

You are pointless!!!!!

Posted on: Nov 30 2009, 01:35 PM

My heart's broken, while you are in a normal state. Speaking as someone other than me myself, you could yell I'm immature or whatsoever. You could never understand the urge to patch back inside me. I need her back dearly.

Posted on: Nov 30 2009, 01:24 PM

Failure must never be the reason to try things out. I have confident!

Posted on: Nov 30 2009, 01:18 PM

You speak my mind! You were exactly telling about my past.

We men rarely read any magazine. Article that has to do with relationship and love could never interest me. All I read are technical and business stuff.

I felt she was "mah fan", but then, now I lost her, I felt what she did was not "mah fan" anymore! I now realize I need to survive with that mah fan, and I'm dying for that sad.gif

Even if she was testing me through her break up suggestion, which I failed miserably, I will never get angry like in the past. She always has good intention. I only realise long after the "testing" incidence that I should thank her. I'm sure she will be the first who concern about me if she found I'm weak. But, I was angry with her out of my ego, how dummy I am cry.gif

Posted on: Nov 30 2009, 01:01 PM

Didn't you hear stylish had been there? She said my GF still love me! She cares about me, sending me wishes during my birthday.

Yes, I'm not perfect. But, I'll be the best for her!

Posted on: Nov 30 2009, 12:49 PM

Thanks for the ray of hope. I know I was wrong in the past, but I loved her more than anyone else, for this I could guarantee, at the bottom of my heart.

I would just go empty handed, probably rent a proton wira or waja from friend, and get everything as simple as possible.

She is always my lover. I love her dearly. I'll change my attitude, never angry and abusive, never get drunk and talk stupid thing.

No, education level has nothing to do with love. Rich or poor, all are the same.

Posted on: Nov 30 2009, 12:31 PM

True, I'll convince my dad first, and I'm prepared to be scolded "You loser!"

However you spin, my dad would not believe I could lose face for the sake of a girl like her, in his perspective. He will definitely disagree to bow to her parents sad.gif

I'll have to sort many things out, sigh.

Posted on: Nov 30 2009, 12:20 PM

You all scolded me like nobody. I'm actually very sad of the past, I wanted to get back her! cry.gif

No, I respect her all these while, I never take her for granted. I was just doing things from my perspective. How I wish I could get advice from you all right from the beginning. I want to propose her!

Posted on: Nov 30 2009, 12:15 PM

I missed her dearly and hope to be with her again.

I'm thinking to get back to MY and talked to her parents at the first place. Then, give her a surprise, and propose to her.

I'll never give rose and diamonds this time. I'll never wear suit as before so as not to remind her of the past.

I could change for her. I just want her back. cry.gif


She suggested to post the receipt, I din say.

Posted on: Nov 30 2009, 11:50 AM

No. I didn't really know, but it seemed to me she was too tired to talk, and I didn't want to argue with her.

Why can't you think both of us are victims?

I know I'm wrong in this relationship.

Please don't say I DO NOT LOVE her, especially debbieyss. I LOVE her. Please look at the shades of grey, rather than black and white.

Sometimes, I think I'm 身不由己! But, I tried in full force to make it happen.

I'm sad with the ending!

Posted on: Nov 30 2009, 11:33 AM

Thanks for this wake up call. Alright the story continues:

Breakup:

It was 12am in NZ, and 7pm in MY.

The stars were twinkling in a velvet sky. Dragging myself to the desk, I made a Skype call.

"Hi dear" I greeted.


"Hi" a soft voice replied.

"Are you tired?"

"Yeah," she agreed.

"Let's keep short,"

"No,"

"I though you need rest?" I'm surprised she wanted to talk longer.

"Let's stop it indefinitely," she said softly.

"Are you sick?"

"I need a break," she replied.

"Aright, let's take a short break, I'll call back later," I suggested.

"No,"

"Then, we make it short," I repeated.

"No,"

"Then, what do you want? Sorry, I don't get you" I'm confused.

"I need a break," she repeated.


"Alright, I'll see when I can get back to MY so that we can have a break together, where you want to go for holidays then?... How about a cruise? I know a cruise that goes back and forth between UK and MY."

"No, i don't need a break," she replied.

"Then, what else you want?" I'm extremely confused.

"I need a break between us." she said firmly.

"Alright," I caught her point this time.

"Could I return you the diamond rings?"

"You could donate them," I replied.

"Alright, I'll mail you the proof of payment and receipt.

"Bye"

"Bye"

Yes, frankly speaking, I was foolish enough to agree immediately.

Posted on: Nov 30 2009, 11:00 AM

I love my GF for who she is!

To be frank, I feel you are a bit unrealistic here. It's about life after marriage. Wife and family must be harmonious. I realize that she would not be able to mingle well with my family knowing that she never get used to the activities I do all the while, so I helped her, step by step, to get used to my life style. This is what I felt I must do as a man, otherwise there would be quarrels all the times!

I'm not changing her for the purpose that you suggested! I'm helping her to get well with my family.

Posted on: Nov 30 2009, 10:48 AM

I sweet talked her to join, and she followed. I convinced her that everyone has a partner there. You girls, will you feel good to have your partner attend those functions alone?

Actually, she was like a shining star performing violin on stage during some of the functions. Of course, she performed only when people around asked for it, otherwise, you see, she would become a performer.

Posted on: Nov 30 2009, 10:34 AM

Dad is dad, he is rigid, I'm helpless to change him FOREVER, not even my mum.

So, I tried to improve my GF. There was nothing wrong to bring GF to join my activities with dad to show dad how good she is. I though things could go fine, but alas, it never worked.

I realize, at the bottom of my heart, she is tired and stressful. To avoid disappointment at my side, she kept things to herself, she never said she don't like swimming, golf and others, but just follow. So, on whether she likes me or not, she said YES, and we kissed like normal. She realized she did poorly at times and to make things worst, she never told me heart to heart.

Posted on: Nov 30 2009, 10:21 AM

You got to be kidding. Remain single for long? Dad has many businessman who know how good I am (at least at the first sight during company talks and events, and as a Dr.) that introduced me to their daughter. Yet, I love her dearly for I know she's my girl.

For instance, during the golf session, other businessman's sons bring together their partners as well. While their partners do well, I stand aside and taught her patiently, now look, how do I feel? So if this is not love that I try to improve her, what do you call then?

There are so many things that put me in the shame compared to others' GF, and yet, I ignored and tried to improved her.


Posted on: Nov 30 2009, 10:09 AM

No premarital marriage is to avoid me to become a yee sai zou, a womaniser who achieve nothing. He have seen a number of them among his friends' kids, and so the strict rule.

Posted on: Nov 30 2009, 10:04 AM

Now, I'm telling what I thought during that time. This does not portray what is going on in me right now.

NO! We loved each other. We kissed like normal couple for the past six years, but we never do the real thing, not even with protected one. The reason I got angry was, she was kind of belittling me, she made me high through kissing and caressing, that's fine, I appreciate, but being used as a test for her own purpose is... argh... sort of unacceptable. I never limit kissing, french, wet, suck, you name it, I tried anything on earth with her.

That was the first time she put her hands on mine after coming back from UK, and I was disappointed to know it was just a test! This made me abusive, to show how weak she is and how strong I am. Back then, we were early 20s, and she was very shy and not really dared to simply put her hands.


Whether dad liked her or not is WITHIN my control. I was all out to involve her in my activities. It does not matter she did poorly in her music job, but if she is good at something, I could convince my dad to give her a high profile job in the company. That was my effort to bring dad and her together.

Let say I allow her to wear the cheesy black swim suit while swimming with others, including prominent businessman, it would a BIG MINUS marks on my effort.

Sometimes, what I did was a bit implicit, and from my perspective, there were essentially for her own good.


I know she might not want what I intend to achieve for her, but bridging all family members is a daunting challenge for me. I got to think what to happen after marriage as well.


Posted on: Nov 30 2009, 06:05 AM

Dad is highly regarded in my life! He is a successful person, and has his own way to teach. Mind you, while I was kid, my elder sister could go party till 10pm, while as a son, I have to study at home after dinner, and no watching TV is allowed. Now, if you think he is a chinaman type, you were totally wrong. He merely have high expectation on me.

During the six months while I was in MY after completing my PhD, dad was very happy to have a son that people call "Dr.", but in the office, he would tell different story. You study PhD, but you know nothing about business, you failed miserably! And within that six months, he challenged me to do a business project. After six month, I didn't do very well, and not too bad either. Not only he wanted me to be a better person, but he wanted me to stay occupied so as not to main-main with girls around.

Yes, I realize now. Thanks.

While I was in MY, I spent 80% of my time with dad, the other 15% with seminar, talks and mum, while less than 5% with her.

Actually, I have tried to involve her in my activities. I always go swimming, golfing, sauna, and gym with Dad and his businessman friends. I spent about RM20,000 to get her a membership for Kelab Golf Diraja (on top of monthly fees no less than RM100) and also golf set.

The story continues.

At the Golf Club,

"You'll make it" I convinced.

She was holding a golf stick, trying to hit a ball into a hole tens of meters away.

I stood behind her, holding her hands, I repeated the mantra again for the countless times.

"Use strength from your hip, just see your hands and golf stick as pendulum, your hip twists, and the pendulum will hit the ball."

She hit.

"There you go, see, very simple.", as the ball flying through the air.

She tried herself next only to find that things get back to square one, swinging the golf stick in the air while the ball remained intact.

At the swimming pool,

I changed into swim trunk, and was waiting for her at the swimming pool when she inched towards me.

"Gosh!" I yelled, deep down. She was wearing a dark single piece swim suit.

"This is not a primary school swimming lesson, get a two-piece swim suit the next time, now get back and change to your normal dress."

We changed and went to the swimming pool.

"Next time, you two better get fast, people have been waiting. What did you two do, we are not going for party." Dad was referring to our wears.

"I'm sorry but she is not feeling well today, and I'm afraid I need to get her back."

Because she didn't really learn well, or may be interested with my activities, she seems to do fairly bad at times.

Yes, I agree, I was arrogant. I should find some times doing something that interests her rather than getting her to learn everything that I want her to do. Call me selfish.

Life's not as simple as you think.

I'm in a position where there is no choice but to excel! High expectation from dad on a single son like me. If I were to act like what you have suggested, to think money is less prioritized, my dad would be very disappointed. I put myself in my dad's shoes. You don't make old dad unhappy, right? And, everyone has a single dad only. There is always tug of war between getting everyone happy.

Deep down, sometimes I yelled, "Could anyone understand my feelings? Who don't want to excel in both career and relationship?" And, sometimes, I'm just an intermediate in a tug of war between Dad and my GF, hope you see this.

Yes, she is independent and strong. While I was doing PhD in UK for three years, she DID NOT KNOW about my family background at all. That's why, as I hva said, she's not materialistic, in the least bit.

Sweet talk was the most I could do at thousands of miles away. What would you suggest? I know talking about problems and personal life. What else other than these, any ideas?


What make you think she's still with me?

I have been thinking that love story is boring. I never like love story movie, and if we go movie, it would be like action movie.

She seldom suggest any movie and I choose movie all the times.

I'm bad eh? OK, selfish me if you think I never understand her choice of movies.


You failed miserably! If you are interested in me, you should have find out who I am, that's what people have been preaching in this thread! Why ask question about me? You know I'm not kaki perempuan leh...

I know you were joking tongue.gif

Your comments made me speechless...

I love her much, and I'm not sure if she would remain single or affected by the worst me in the past. I'm a responsible person, and if I had hurt her too much, and I should patch, then I think I should give it a go.

I have never seen her crying, and complaining me although now I realize the worst in me in the past. I yelled and scolded, but she never like 大小姐 or get into cold war. I now realize she tolerate me a lot.

I was a bit abusive that time, and if not my dad advice, I would be making things worst. I was irate, and kept thinking "Who you are trying to kid, little girl! I'm weak?! I'm going to show how weak you are!"... "I'm winner! I'm strong and powerful!"

I'm have no idea how this inner beast of mine crept in. But, believe me, I did nothing wrong physically, that was just something that gone a bit far in my mind.

Yes, she gave me the biggest motivation. Actually that 5 minutes skype per week, most likely 2 minutes sweet talk, and 3 minutes her encouragement, from research to my research supervisor, examination, talks and seminars. Thinking back, I did not motivate her a lot. I thought my PhD was OUR GOAL, so she motivate me was rather common.

Posted on: Nov 29 2009, 04:55 PM

That was 8 years relationship! Are you sure girls could easily take 8 years to tell whether suit or not? How many 8 years a girl have?

I could not forget her, frankly. I never sweet talk with other girls, for 8 years, I have only sweet talked her, and it just made me impossible to sweet talk any other girls.

Posted on: Nov 29 2009, 04:32 PM

Because I have no idea how to make her to accept me, not even a single idea! Call me a dummy, and I confess love is complicated, much more complicated than my research! I never know how to make her feel better, less embarrassed. I understood, while she is strong, it might be a bit hard for her to bear with some intense moment that I had brought about.

To continue my story:

At Genting, I was drunk after having a bottle of Shiraz. I knocked on her door. She felt something amiss and opened.

"I'm so strong that I could ..... " I yelled.


I don't know what happened clearly then but when I woke up, I was on the bed in her room, and she was in my room.

I think I embarrassed her a lot. Stupid me!

Somehow I felt I have given her the least while i was in UK for three years doing my PhD. And, while i was in MY, I gave her something that she never need. In the end, we break up, wwhile she has been my biggest motivation to date.

Posted on: Nov 29 2009, 03:57 PM

All the while, yes, I put myself as a very generous bf, but i doubt the others agree with me.

Actually, she has been very independent. I see her effort to present herself in a way that never embarrassed anyone. Once, we were attending a function at a children home with a number of VIPs. I could not believe when she went on a small stage and played a violin, while the children cheers.

Why i should not arrange facial and hair dressing for her? She's shy with using my money.

Posted on: Nov 29 2009, 03:50 PM

True, as I have said, she has been obedient. She's not materialistic at all.

My father is a strict person and I have been listening to him all the while, and what's more I'm getting business from him, just can't afford to make him worry.

Of course I have ego, I hate her test, though I might misunderstood! I missed her when she sent me wishes recently... sigh

Posted on: Nov 29 2009, 03:38 PM

I know communication was insufficient. And I appreciate your points. Yes, she's the best girl on earth, she's obedient. Within that 5 minutes, I sweet talked a lot, and she was all the way happy.

Maybe I was/am money minded, so my thinking is more into money. I agree I didn't gave her enough emotional support, but I tried, just like attending her performance.

Actually, she's good that she didn't really want to spend my money at times, and the facial package was arranged by me through phone call after browsing internet. And also, her hair dressing. Yes, she need to be presentable for performance, and to convince my father and others that she's the girl.

Yes, i'm kinda selfish.

You have a good point here. I never know it took her much courage to make the first move. I was all the while angry to hear she thought I'm weak!

Next, what would you suggest if i were to see her one day? She remains single, and recently, she sends me some wishes. I have been thinking whether to let her know i'm going back to MY for some times before heading for overseas.

Posted on: Nov 29 2009, 02:46 PM

1. No one can exactly tell what is really going on in his mind! To contemplate other girls may mean she is really not good enough, but so far I rated her excellent while attending important events. And she did show the right manners. While, my dad may want me to consider other girls so that we don't have intimate relationship. My father hates Yee Sai Zhou, and being the only son, you know he can't afford to have me achieving nothing!

2. No. I didn't mean the relationship is a commitment. I meant my PhD and achievement success is OUR commitment. Not half an hour per day, it was half an hour per week. My goal was to quickly finish my PhD on time within 3 years, so I kept our communication minimum during that time. I wanted to get back to MY as soon as possible with her, that's why I was cool.

3. Girl, ask yourself. To avoid further embarrassment on her, I pretended nothing happended, and maybe this was my mistake. Being angry, I didn't think further on that and concentrated on my work

Posted on: Nov 29 2009, 02:19 PM


She's an obedient girl, I don't think she would toy people around.

I think she does not have enough confidence with me, or both of us. She realized that I am strong, and have good prospect, just why I don't approach her might be suspicious... No, I'm not really sure, I think girls could interpret better....

Posted on: Nov 29 2009, 02:12 PM

Yeah, she's lovely! For the past eight years, I have been stressful and having sleeping disorder at times, and frankly speaking, I could only sleep while thinking her smiling to me.

But, I'm in a difficult position as well as my father is very strict, he has the highest expectation on me.

My father advice was to avoid me being "Yee Sai Zhou", a womaniser who play around and fail to achieve everything. That's why he totally disagree I have any intimate relationship before marriage.

But, she misunderstood. She aroused me just to test if I'm strong and wanted to know why I never approached her. I was extremely angry on this! How could she think I'm weak? She should be more logical!

Posted on: Nov 29 2009, 02:04 PM


To skysherly,

I realize your point, but I had taken my commitment to her seriously. Alright, I'll take more time off the next time, thanks.

Posted on: Nov 28 2009, 05:41 PM

No. I prefer more matured girls (>25 and <30) who tend to be more understanding. They have been working and realize the importance of work commitment over some trivial needs.

Life's too busy!
Posted on: Nov 28 2009, 05:03 PM
Handsome is subjective. Once you like a girl, you don't mind the look, just like stylish and her EX.

I never wear ring ever since I broke up, and yet some available girls asked "Where's your GF?" Another girl touched and being playful with my hands at least twice during first meet. All girls about four years younger than me in a nearby Uni in NZ. Girls nowadays, I don;t know what they think at times, how could you touch and playful with guy's hand, followed by asking this and that, right on the first meet? Gosh! Anyway, no one tells I'm handsome in NZ. I'm not sure if you could interpreter anything from here.

I think in NZ, about two girls tried were after me, but sorry, I was busy. I switched off immediately!

Posted on: Nov 28 2009, 04:41 PM
Too much return I gave her.

Firstly, my career success is always shared with her, that's where my career effort paid off, I wish girls could understand well my effort on career is partly for her. I appreciate her for she gave me motivation.

Secondly, I bought her many roses and diamonds. She was musician and she need to be presentable, and she was from poor family and she earned RM800 per month teaching violin in music school. Frankly, new musician like her can't earn much in MY, who got interest in violin?

Thirdly, I had been with her on urgent cases (probably five times in one year), but not trivial ones like movie or shopping. Sometimes, I could feel being toyed if she ask me out just to go shopping to comment on evening gown or dress. I have already gave her a monthly budget of RM1,500 to buy dress, cosmetics, and go facial. As usual, I replied, "Good, nice", then comes more and more dress and ask me to choose one. I also don't know how to give comments, and that wasted me two hours in a shopping corner whole night. I felt angry deep down!

She was not materialistic and is an obedient girl.

You girls always say effort, please prioritize your effort and small thing like evening gown no need to ask busy guy like me. If i'm not there, she might be angry, and i also don't have time and mood to sooth her.

After half a year I went back to MY after my PhD in UK, I stopped helping my father's business and came to NZ to do research. I believe she should understand How challenging is my job here, yet, I demand nothing from her and she choose to end just because of this long distance relationship.

To me, efforts on girls might just vanish in the air. At least, money, I could keep in bank account and see it grows!

Are you trying to tell, girls are selfish with those so called necessity to be there and to listen?

This thread won't go pointless, at least some girls know how busy guy like me view the efforts that they are longing for.

Posted on: Nov 28 2009, 04:19 PM

Thanks for your comments thus far.

Alright, I'll tell what I have been thinking thus far, and this does not portray my future thinking.

I could see your point about the effort to give love and care, but what I am going to tell might not be something you want to hear about, I put the career effort on top of the sort of effort that you expect, which to me seems a bit trivial at times. The effort for my girls has basically two categories. Firstly, something urgent. Say, my girl is asking for me to bring her parents to hospital, believe me, I'll be there in minutes. If she is sick or her car break down, yes, I'll be there immediately. Say, it is raining and she is unable to get to her car parked some distance away, I'll be there for her.

Secondly, the effort that are not urgent. If she is asking for a movie, then, I might miss. I do prioritize the effort for her, and to me, the effort on my career is partly for her as well. Say, I get a research grant, believe me, the first person to tell would be her over a candle light dinner.

My ex was a musician, and she need to be presentable, so I always gave her rose and diamond. If this is something that you think I only use to buy her heart, I could say a big NO. If you want to know why the musician left me, partly because I seldom contact her while I was busy overseas, and the major thing IS irrelevant to this thread, we fail to maintain long distance relationship. I'm in NZ, while she still in MY. I wanted to bring her to NZ, but unfortunately she wanted to stay in MY, and I did feel sad as she might have something to hide from me.

She is not materialistic, the kind that always say "you rich people".

Alright, that's in the past. Ever since the date about two years ago, I feel there is no need to put much effort in girls. Girls come and go, until one day, there will certainly be one who is destined to be together.


I repeat the final time now, I never constraint my girl to do anything, she could have her own career or stay home, up to her. If you follow debbieyss comments, she clearly told as well.

Posted on: Nov 28 2009, 10:15 AM

I said I have cycle of busy and free time in work, sorry if you have missed that, then of course during free time I care more about GF, to have time and care for her. The flip side is the busy time only.

You seems to thirst for love and care. Do a survey yourself and find out how many woman feel that their husband care for them SUFFICIENTLY. Girls always think they have put in effort to love, and so the guys must do similarly, and even on par with that, girls still think that's insufficient. Its psychology that girls always think men don't love them enough.

You should understand guys think differently. And so the kind of love that man can give is inclined towards material, not care and emotion. For example, men give diamonds and rose to show love. So, if you expect the kind of emotion and care, then of course I can't ace, that's just not the way we guys do.

Perhaps, you should understand you are looking something that is near to impossible: Guys who are ambitious, got money, care and love in your kind of way.


Posted on: Nov 28 2009, 09:50 AM

You are one fine example who wish to find a perfect love. While there are so many substandard guys out there doing odd and low wage jobs, even worst main-main and involve in crime, you think that guys should provide companionship and be a perfect person as husband, father and so on. I'm not perfect, but I strive to be one to provide the best possible life to family. Sorry to say, it might be due to your background.

You can't see love as commitment. Love, no matter how sweet, would be a stress in a guy's mind that could only be relieved by money. Got money, got balanced life, as simple as that. If you girls think that, a man should have a balanced life to provide good companionship at the expense of miserable family and children livings, you are naive.

Generally, smart girls like to compare, to compare which BF is good and more ambitious, see the points why you are contradicting with the majority? You appear to be slightly different to choose over companionship and hope that man has balanced life. Tell me, how many man out there has balanced life?

I don't blame your comments. you'll have a different set of thinking after setting up a family. You want the best for your children and family. You will soon understand companionship with your man is such a trivial thing in life. Just see how many people jump ship leaving wife and children at home to earn extra, or travel go back and forth between MY and SG to earn more.

Posted on: Nov 28 2009, 08:56 AM

Nothing wrong, she could do anything as long as she have done all the commitment that we have agreed on, and we meet each other desires.

I believe it's all about trust, and with all things in order, no money and sex life problem, there is nothing wrong for her to meet other men. Say, if she made a terrible mistake, then the real problem is OUR sex life, which should be dealt with at the first place. In my opinion, good gals, especially after having kids, are logical and won't stray unless there is problem that must be addressed by both partners.

If she choose to work, I can't stop her from making new male comrade. An she can't stop me from meeting young female comrade what?

Posted on: Nov 27 2009, 04:20 PM

You should learn to be smart in choosing guys the next time. Look for those who are ambitious, rest assured life is less worrying and more secured. How much a guy love you might need your effort, gals have many secret weapon smile.gif

Posted on: Nov 27 2009, 03:47 PM

I believe in a relationship, it's about commitment, rather than expectation. I don't expect her to do anything other than what she likes, while I do my job as a husband to bring home the bacon. That's unconditional and non materialistic love that I believe.


Posted on: Nov 27 2009, 03:33 PM

If I were to get a girl now and then change my mind to concentrate on research, then girl will think I'm toying her. This was me the last few times. But, i never take her for any advantage! Sorry, girls, I know this is my fault.

Anyway, you people had screwed me over this already.

Posted on: Nov 27 2009, 03:16 PM

"Up to you" There are unlimited space in this forum, what advice? tongue.gif

Posted on: Nov 27 2009, 03:11 PM

I wish to come back to MY one day and settle down. That's the reason I never get a foreign GF, but hell, where got choices to get an MY GF at overseas?

Getting a good GF is really difficult, and some girls see my profile on my homepage already being scared away! that's a long list of research publications and awards and scholarships.

So, for those who think got money got amoi, I bet it's TRUE. It's cheesy and disgrace to non materialistic girls, whom I'm looking for>

Posted on: Nov 27 2009, 03:00 PM

The UK is offering me a better position next year in London that offer much higher salary and I could have net SAVING per month increased by 0.5 times. It's a prominent university: University College London (UCL).

At this trying times, getting such a position is extremely difficult, and the contract is initially two years. If I choose to withdraw the offer, I would go back MY and get a GF.

So, there is tug of war here: career advancement vs getting a GF.

Getting the job means very unlikely I'll get GF. Parents are pushy to get GF!

Posted on: Nov 27 2009, 02:52 PM

True, but what's your opinion on researcher who start career late like me? I got PhD at 26 years old, and have been working for two years only. Recently, economic turmoil, and many researchers lost job. I have to work very hard to secure job, if you consider my age, that's really challenging. Most researchers are 30 years old and above. hell, it's so challengeing that I really worn out at times.

I wish to snap up lecturer job in future so free myself up while getting high salary.

I'm sorry with your father relationship, This is something I never want to be, and that's my promise to my ex GF as well.

Posted on: Nov 27 2009, 02:49 PM

Could you please don't derail the discussion? what does it has to do with this thread?

I'm 28 and busy NOW, but this does not mean I'll be busy forever! Who knows I will snap up a job as a lecturer? At 28 years old, academic job is not that promising, earns RM 6500 only in Malaysia, but at overseas, research jobs earns close to three times of that amount. It will come a time when I straight become a professor or associate professor and earn high income in MY in future.

Yes, i'm money minded and think this is normal at 28 years old.

Posted on: Nov 27 2009, 02:39 PM

Yes, I do not understand what your view on LOVE. Mind to give a lecture, my senior?

There are so many social problems in the society nowadays, family abuse, drugs, problems brought about by mistress and comfort lady, rape, mat rempit.... that shows the questionable quality of guys out there.

As far as I know, I'm not mighty or superb, but at least working hard all the time and know my commitment and my responsibility to provide good future to GF and family, and to have others less worried.

Posted on: Nov 27 2009, 02:27 PM

To me, getting a BALANCED life at the expense of GF's and children's future is a No No! I don't mind being busy, while family safe and sound. That's my commitment and what I hope others to understand.

Posted on: Nov 27 2009, 02:23 PM

To get all things well arranged so the effects would be minimal: to fulfill my GF's, children's and parent's wish!

Posted on: Nov 27 2009, 02:17 PM


As time goes by, she will truly understand my position that is unavoidable. Just like pilot, it's normal to see less. In fact, meeting sparingly make each time more memorable!

Posted on: Nov 27 2009, 02:14 PM

No.

If it were to happen, touch wood, I feel relief because I have worked hard and she, as well as children, are safe and sound. Children's education and her needs are all secured.

Posted on: Nov 27 2009, 02:07 PM

My point of view is COMMITMENT! I do good job, that's my commitment. She can do whatever she likes, own career or stay at home. Please don't beat around the bush, I said

"what are you hat are you reciprocating all this while when your GF doing all the moves and efforts to see you, to catch you a glimpse at your seminars etc"

as an example to someone who think guys should be at her side for many occasion.

Posted on: Nov 27 2009, 01:59 PM

Because you never pity your BF who has the most BALANCED life.

I care the future with my GF MOST, so I work hard now. I'm prepared to sacrifice for OUR FUTURE. That's my commitment to life as a guy hope things get better in future. For me, reciprocating does not mean to see each other, it's my commitment to secure the best possible future.

Posted on: Nov 27 2009, 01:55 PM

Excellent point, you should go around and get dogs for guys for there are many who hit wife, womanizer, take drugs, mat rempit, earning below average monthly salary of RM3500++ per month... the list go on. They don't deserve GF too.

So far, in my thread, it's clear I have a good job, highly educated, and good profiles. Now, on top of that, I never smoke and a social drinker, and I admit, never play before at 28 years old. If you think I don't deserve GF, as according to your justification, then your should watch your words and don't spam everywhere!

Posted on: Nov 27 2009, 01:03 PM

This is an example when a girl's demand is too much.

I reiterate, I demand nothing from my gal, she could do anything she likes, at home or work, If she demand this or that, then she would have to sacrifice for herself to come to office or events, it's not my fault.

Posted on: Nov 27 2009, 08:35 AM

Sorry to hear that. Speaking as a busy guy, can't you girls sacrifice and forgone some Time For Us for the sake of future? It would appear less selfish if guy tells you what's future like. Your guy is already busy and worn out with work, and you come out a list of demands.

To a busy guy, your feeling like "Dun Hav BF" is a small matter, but work commitment is a big thing. Won't you feel selfish yourself for me to take a day off and get time with you?

Busy guy gives you freedom, the freedom to social with others, as long as you don't date other guys, that's fine with me. Years overseas, and i don't see you go out with other guys means dating.

You won't want guys to constraint you, would you?

I admit, I see your demand as trivial. As I move up the career, your demand is getting irrelevant. Eat alone? You could come to my office and we have lunch or dinner together. Boring festival? You could do something as well. I always give talk and seminar, and you could attend, though you have to sleep through my technical stuff. But, I'll be happy to see you as the greatest supporter!

Put yourself in the guy's shoe, I demand nothing from my girl. She can choose to work or stay home in future, as long as don't spend more than, say RM 2000 per month on your dress and cosmetic and facial, and that's fine with me. How could you say busy guy selfish?

Posted on: Nov 27 2009, 06:03 AM

The thing is do u have a target or not ?
i am going thru a hectic working life too with non stop travelling around. And there isnt any female around that i come encounter but still i can have an ordinary life with my gf though.
u just need to put extra effort
*

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Research is all time busy. My brain has to think and think for most of the time to get new ideas, and that's really worn me out!

Posted on: Nov 26 2009, 06:27 PM

Don't you know there are so many people busy working and no time to find their soul mate? We don't choose to be single, but the fact, we have to be single to get succeed, especially in my career line in research. Everyday, we drained ourselves up, at the end of the day, got worn out, so just where got the mood and time to date?

Posted on: Nov 26 2009, 06:24 PM

I do not expect high work satisfaction. Get real, all who jump ship would only feel content with high sum in bank account. We know we don't work at overseas here for long. It's like die die also want big money. I'm not greedy, but that's normal.

I did tell myself to save up to RM500,000, which could be achieve within a few years, and then return to MY. But, I doubt the target keeps increasing, another normal phenomena, believe me.

I just got offer from UK who offer me better salary. If I were to get there, hell, that would be few more years.

Posted on: Nov 26 2009, 06:20 PM

Well, the UK is hiring me next year to London. Life's getting busier than ever, and getting a GF at this age seems to come with high opportunity cost.

No, I'm not trying to gauge the price of love, but a normal guy tend to put a price tag on love. If I forgone my job, get back to MY and get a GF in MY, the lost could be very high to bear.

Posted on: Nov 26 2009, 05:52 PM

I suppose career comes first is nothing wrong with a 28 years old guy, but then, how come most guys already get married at this age, while I never have a real GF. The previous two relationships all end, and to be frank, I ended them because I'm just can't concentrate on my research.

When I get focused on research, the kind of feeling to love a girl would just fizzle out. Then, after some time, no feeling already, though it's always the girls who open up the doors first, and I make the first move. In the end, it would appear I toy with girl's feelings.

Posted on: Nov 26 2009, 05:45 PM

Job is promising in terms of salary, very promising. I'm busy because my job is basically research, but I take up extra jobs at times like being a research assistance to teach people about research, tutoring, marking papers.

Sleep 8 hours. I need fresh mind to research.

Posted on: Nov 26 2009, 05:25 PM

Life's busy, who's not?

To date a girl, you need to allocate the "Time for us" - time you spend with her. Hell, life's so busy nowadays, I wonder when is the suitable "Time for us"!

I'm 28 year old guy, working as researcher in NZ. Everyday, I work 13-15 hours from 8am to 10pm, including weekend. Yes, that's everyday! It's work commitment. The life cycle is like:

Wake up -> Work -> Sleep.... endlessly.

Days go by, and everyone I got to know are Hi-Bye friends, all guys, that's the nature of being researcher in Engineering.

People says got money got amoi. Sure thing? I bet not.

Parents are getting pushy. Often, mom will ask whenever I call back, partly because she's afraid I'm after a blonde. She insists getting chinese, doesn't matter from malaysia, china or taiwan.

I know I'm not a peculiar example. Anyone on the same boat with me? Mind to tell how you get along with this? .... A life in deadlock: career vs. getting life partner.