Miss, are you wearing panties?

2010-02-09 13:30


As the western Valentine's Day is fast approaching, domestic religious and moral organisations are very cautious as if they are facing a formidable enemy.

Their latest task is to ensure that women wear their panties.

I would like to solemnly declare that it is not a joke.

Persatuan Ulama Malaysia Penang Branch (Pumpp), together with two other organisations have set up the "Anti-social Corruption Secretariat of Penang" with two missions: to advice Muslim couples not to celebrate Valentine's Day and to ensure that women wear their panties on that day.

It is said that SMSs have been spread recently to promote the "Bare your love, no panties during Valentine's" campaign.

It is an illusion in the virtual world and not many people will take it seriously in reality.

However, religious and moral organisations are really shocked. They believe that the society is ill and morality is corrupted. And the last chance would be whether they are going to put on their panties.

As a result, they have formed a picket team with 500 members to stop women from giving up their "Maginot Lines".

However, I wonder how are they going to carry out the task.

Can we imagine that a group of men who are holding signs shout along the road: "No Valentine's Day! No "no panties campaign"! No...."

It will certainly become the world's most funniest protest that feels like a post-modern black comedy.

Perhaps, they will persuade Muslim couples on the streets.

"Ladies, as a woman, you must wear your panties...."

Isn't it weird? As a man, I have been wearing underpants everyday since I was five without anyone teaching me to do so, not to mention women.

Let's also assume that the picket team stops a woman at Penang Queen Bay Mall.

"Miss, are you wearing panties?"

"Why do I have to tell you whether I'm wearing panties?"

"We are from a picket team of the Anti-social Corruption Secretariat of Penang. Whether you are wearing panties is related to whether the society is corrupted."

"It's my own business whether I'm wearing panties or not. How can it be related to the society?"

"We are giving you one last chance, are you wearing panties or not?"

"Fine, I'm wearing panties."

"Then you will have to prove it."

"How am I suppose to prove it?"

"You have to lift your skirt and show us."

"Are you crazy? You want me to let you see my panties? No way!"

"We are not seeing but checking instead. If you refuse to do so, we can bring you back to the bureau."

"Well, okay. I'll let you see a little bit...."

"Hey! I can't see clearly. Lift a little higher, a little higher...."

"…"

"Okay, I can see it. You do wear panties, but you still fail. You need to be counselled, so come with us."

"Why?"

"We accept only black, flesh-coloured and white but you are wearing pink. Who are you trying to seduce? It will easily lead to social corruption."

"I'm corrupting the society? Your minds have been filled with the thought whether women are wearing their panties and what colour they are wearing. I think you are the ones who are corrupting the society." (By TAY TIAN YAN/ Translated by SOONG PHUI JEE/ Sin Chew Daily)